Dwarven Love Trials!
by Would You Hurry It Up
Summary: Hey, if there are Dwarven Vows, shouldn't there be "trials of love" too? Who is destined to be Lloyd's true love? Err, ignore catergory...


**So yeah, this sorta came to me after seeing a super corny Yahoo!.com feature…groan. Anyway, enjoy.**

**I do not own ToS…but I wish I did. **

_Dwarven Love Trial 0: Introduction_

Dirk smiled in contentment. Lloyd, his boy, had definitely grown. Lloyd used to be the hot-headed type who would rush headlong into things without thinking them through. Now he actually thought things out…before eventually rushing headlong into things. Still, this was a big change for Lloyd, and Dirk took appropriate notice into it. A father could not be more proud.

Dirk was pleasantly surprised when he saw Lloyd come to his house after what he assumed was a hectic amount of events. When Lloyd had returned after a few months of adventuring, Dirk couldn't, and didn't, believe in half of the adventures he had said he was in. But seeing events unfold in front of him, most noticeably the reunification of the worlds, Dirk couldn't help but feel pride for his son. After all, only Lloyd could cause a newly formed amount to appear a few miles behind his house.

The dwarf was hesitant and fearful, admittedly, that Lloyd wouldn't view him as a father or even a significant person in his life anymore since Kratos had been found. With delight, he saw that Lloyd hadn't changed a bit in that regard. The Eternal Swordsman came to his house to leave what was now known as the Eternal Sword by Anna's grave. Other topics were spoken, but Lloyd announced he had to leave soon. He was on a mission to retrieve Exspheres from all across the new world. Of course, the swordsman would not be alone…

"Lloyd, wait!" Dirk yelled as Lloyd was walking toward the summoner. Stunned by his father yelling, which was a rare occurrence, Lloyd turned around and looked at him with shock. Sheena hadn't noticed; she was down by the creek, looking at her reflection and brushing her hair frantically.

"What's up dad?" Lloyd asked.

Dirk inwardly gulped. The dwarf had successfully avoided this conversation for seventeen years, but upon seeing Lloyd traveling with a female, and as far as Dirk could tell an attractive woman, it had to be done. This was the talk that all father figures, or at least the normal ones, didn't want to tell their child. Seeing as how if Lloyd didn't know now, he would be clueless for the future, the dwarf decided to implement the said discussion. "You're going on a trip with Sheena, eh?"

Lloyd perked up. "Yeah! We got along great on the journey and she's an awesome friend!"

"Ahh, I see." Seeing no other way around it, Dirk decided to throw the first blow. "So….err, how do ya feel about her? Beyond friendship that is."

Lloyd stared at his father. What could he mean? Were there bonds that transcended friendship? "Huh? She's a great friend…that's the farthest you can go with friends, right?"

Dirk sighed. The dwarf really should have told him before he left for the Chosen. He planned to, but Genis got in the way. Taking a breath of air, Dirk said, "No Lloyd. You must know something about the…how do you humans say…the 'birds and the bees', right?"

Lloyd looked at his father with a questioning tone before the hard truth kicked in, in which his face reddened to a hue even more scarlet than his jacket. "D-dad! I really should be going! I'll see you next Christmas…"

"Now hold on just a minute Lloyd!" Dirk said, grabbing a firm hold of Lloyd behind his back. "I've been puttin' this off for a while, and I can't keep hesitating anymore. You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they participate in a physical interaction called…"

"DAD!" Lloyd yelled in shock. "Stop! I know already! Raine told us in class a few years back."

Dirk blinked for a few moments. He would have to send Raine a mountain of gold for saving the dwarf from his anguish. Still, the dwarf did have another topic to delve into. "Oh I see. Well, do you know of the…'safety' devices…"

"Yes dad!" Lloyd said, the Eternal Swordsman having a blush that looked like a severe case of sunburn. "What is this all about anyway?"

Dirk looked at his boy, dumbfounded yet again, and looked towards Sheena. The assassin now had a comb in hand and a large red figure next to her was emitting a small blast of fiery air from his hand towards her hair. The red giant seemed to have an annoyed expression. "Well, it's just in case you find somebody special during your travels. Unless you already have…"

Lloyd thought about it. The swordsman only really knew four girls during his travels. He had met many more, but didn't really get to know any. The only time he 'felt' something special was when he felt himself or his friends being threatened. Half of his adventure was spent fighting monsters, so he hadn't really noticed anything out of the ordinary and towards the realm of 'special'. Still, Lloyd couldn't help but feel he had missed something, as if he was so caught up in the moment of saving the world that he missed a sign of that something special. "Actually, I'm not to sure. I was pretty preoccupied with reuniting the worlds."

"Ah, I see. Still, Lloyd, you should be aware of things besides that, else it will consume you completely and you will end up alone." Dirk lectured.

"But dad! How will I know if I met that special someone? Heck, what if I already have?"

Dirk grinned. It was now time to give Lloyd the gift he was waiting for. "Lloyd. I've been waiting to give you this book for a long time, until you are a man, and you have indeed proven yourself. So, without further ado…" The dwarf reached behind him, into his pack, and pulled out a small green book with gold lace surrounding it. On the front was something written in dwarven language that Lloyd could scarcely read; the swordsman wasn't keen on learning new languages.

Seeing Lloyd's face remain unchanged, Dirk explained, "Lloyd, this book had a list of the ten most guaranteed ways to notice, and test, true love. It's called, 'The Dwarven Love Trials'."

"'Dwarven Love Trials'" Lloyd said with a face that he usually saved for Zelos. "Dad, this sounds kind of hokey. Shouldn't I notice…?"

"Ahh! But you see! You haven't yet! Lloyd, this will help you, just as the Dwarven Vows had in the past!" Dirk said with a confident, out of character gleam. As Lloyd started to protest, Dirk interrupted him and said, "Lloyd! These are guaranteed to work! Its ancient dwarven tradition. Please, just take a look at them before you criticize me."

Surrendering, Lloyd took the book from Dirk and started to read the trials. Slowly but surely, his hesitant expression took one of a mixture of shock, fear, and embarrassment. "Dad! These are crazy! I could never…this would DRIVE a person away, if anything!"

"Ah, but Lloyd, that's the beauty of this! True love can withstand any obstacle. If She..if she can go through these, than you are bound together by the fates themselves! Promise me that you will at least try them!"

Lloyd still looked uneasy. Normally the swordsman would gladly agree with his father, but these trials were absolutely crazy! 'Especially number seven…'

"All right dad…I guess I can try them. But jeez…" Lloyd answered, earning a smile from Dirk.

"Thata boy!" Dirk said joyously. "I wish you luck, and I'll see you soon!"

"Yeah…see ya." Lloyd said half-heartedly, the trials he was to perform burned into his head. There was going to be hardship, but these had to work. 'The Dwarven Vows had never let me down before…why should these be any different?'

Lloyd almost passed Sheena, who had finished her excruciating hair endeavor, and Noishe, who had run away after seeing Efreet float over his napping position. Sheena saw the swordsman looked down, away from her effort, and tried to raise his spirits. "Hey Lloyd. You ready to head out."

"Yeah, let's go." Lloyd said sadly. A drooping Lloyd was a strange change of character for the swordsman; Sheena didn't like it.

"Hey, are you alright? You seem kind of down?"

Lloyd looked up to give a small smile. "Yeah, I'm fine, just a little stunned."

"Stunned?"

"Yeah. I had a very uncomfortable talk with dear old dad."

"Oh," Sheena said nervously, already sensing what that talk could have been about. "What about?"

"Heh…I'd rather not say. Sorry Sheena." Lloyd said sadly. He looked towards Sheena to see she seemed a bit insulted. He also saw her hair and was pleased on how much shinier it looked than before.

"Nice hair Sheena!"

**So yeah, if you couldn't tell already, Lloyd is going to submit an unwitting Sheena, and possibly others, to a sequence of super tacky and insane DLT to see if he truly loves her. Of course he could just come right out and say it, but that would be a "one-shot" and too short of a story. Anyway, if you have any suggestions, please suggest away. I'm open to all options and opinions! Something crazy though…like dying her hair or something of the sort, you know; prank stuff!**


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